When Sonu Nigam was trying to find his feet as a young singer, Mumbai was where he wanted to be. The city offered opportunities, contacts and the possibility of getting closer to the music industry. But his father said no.In a conversation on Game Changers podcast with Komal Nahta, Sonu recalled how his father did not allow him to do shows in Mumbai, even though he was performing in Delhi. His father’s reasoning was unusual and very much that of a protective parent.
28 Jul 2026 | 16:22
How do you teach children about money and financial responsibility?
“I am fortunate that my father is very strict, but his stick has wisdom in it,” Sonu said. His father told him, “You won’t do a show in Bombay.”When Sonu asked why, his father explained his concern. If the young singer started spending time in Mumbai, he might become distracted.“He thinks like a father,” Sonu said, recalling his father’s logic. “Because you look good, you sing well, you will get a girlfriend there. You will have an affair with a female singer or a dancer. All the musicians or co-singers will become your friends. Then you will settle here,” his father said to him.His father wanted him to remain in Delhi, where he could keep an eye on him. “If you will do a show in Delhi, you will stay under my eye,” Sonu recalled him saying.
His father was not only worried about girls or friends
Sonu Nigam with his father Agam Kumar Nigam.
Sonu explained that there was a time when he had a strong hunger to make it in the music industry. There were no smartphones or instant messaging apps. To contact people in the industry, he had to physically go to a place where he could make calls.“We didn’t have phones in the morning. We used to go to the PCU and make calls,” he said. His father feared that moving to Mumbai too early would make that urgency disappear. He wanted Sonu to retain that hunger, the feeling that he had to wake up at 9am, pick up the phone and call people such as Anu Malik and others connected to the music industry.“You will get rid of this hunger inside you,” Sonu recalled his father warning him.Looking back, Sonu says he accepted his father’s decision. “I did what today’s kids can’t do,” he said. “I said, whatever you are saying is right.”
The parenting lesson is not “be strict”
It would be easy to take Sonu’s story and conclude that strict parenting produces disciplined children. But that is not necessarily the lesson.The more interesting question is: Why did Sonu accept his father’s restrictions without turning them into a battle for independence? Part of the answer may lie in something Sonu himself says: “His stick has wisdom in it.”The strictness, in his telling, was connected to a purpose. His father was not simply saying ‘no’ because he was the parent. He had a specific concern about what might distract his son from the goal he was pursuing.That distinction matters enormously with teenagers and young adults.
Parents can set boundaries without making children feel controlled
Today’s children are likely to push back against rules that seem arbitrary. And sometimes rightly so. “Because I said so” may end an argument temporarily, but it does little to teach a child how to make decisions independently.A better approach is instead of: “You can’t go.” Try: “You can go, but let’s think about what this will mean for the thing you’re working towards.”For example, if a teenager wants to spend every evening out with friends while preparing for an important exam, the conversation need not become *friends versus studies*.A parent can ask: “What matters most to you right now? And how much time are you willing to give each?”
Give children a “why”, not just a “no”
One practical lesson parents can take from Sonu’s story is to make rules explainable. Before setting a restriction, parents can ask themselves three questions: What am I protecting?Is it the child’s sleep, safety, studies, finances, emotional wellbeing or a long-term goal? What is the actual risk? Is there a genuine concern, or am I simply uncomfortable because my child is becoming independent?
Don’t confuse distraction with independence
Sonu Nigam with his father Agam Kumar Nigam.
There is another subtle point in Sonu’s story. His father’s concern was not simply that he would make friends or have a girlfriend. It was that he might lose his hunger.That is a useful distinction for parents of ambitious teenagers. Sometimes parents worry about every distraction, be it social media, friends, gaming, relationships, outings. But trying to eliminate every distraction is neither possible nor desirable.The real goal is to help children recognise when something enjoyable begins to interfere with something important to them. A teenager who says, *“I want to become a doctor,”* for instance, does not need parents monitoring every minute of their day. They need to gradually learn:“If I spend three hours scrolling tonight, I am also choosing to give up three hours of preparation.” That is a far more valuable lesson than simply being told to put the phone away.
Sonu’s story also raises a question for parents
Would today’s Sonu have responded in exactly the same way? Perhaps not. Children today grow up with a much stronger language of independence. They are more likely to say, “It’s my life,” and challenge decisions that affect them.That does not necessarily mean they are less respectful. It means parents have to change the way authority works. The goal cannot always be to raise children who say, “Whatever you say is right.”A more useful goal is to raise children who can say: “I understand why you are saying this. I may disagree, but I can think about the consequences and make a responsible choice.”Sonu’s father gave him a firm boundary at a crucial point in his life. Sonu accepted it because he trusted the intention behind it. That may be the real parenting lesson here: children are far more likely to accept boundaries when they can feel the wisdom behind them, rather than just the authority imposing them.
