What do children really learn about relationships at home?For entrepreneur and content creator Ankur Warikoo, it isn’t about pretending everything is perfect. In fact, he believes children should see that their parents can disagree, argue and still care about each other.But there’s one line he doesn’t want crossed.“Disagreement is acceptable. Disrespect is not,” is the relationship rule Warikoo shared in a post on LinkedIn, while discussing the rules he follows while raising his 15- and 9-year-old children.And it’s a surprisingly simple lesson.
Warikoo doesn’t hide disagreements from his kids
Parents often try to keep arguments away from their children. Warikoo’s approach is a little different.He says his children will see him and his partner disagree. That’s not necessarily something he considers harmful.What matters is how they handle the disagreement.For Warikoo, having different opinions is a normal part of any relationship. Couples won’t always agree on everything, and pretending otherwise can give children an unrealistic idea of what a healthy relationship looks like.The boundary, he says, is respect.You can be angry. You can disagree. You can have a completely different opinion.But that doesn’t mean you get to insult, belittle or disrespect the other person.
Why this matters for children
Children learn a lot about relationships simply by watching the adults around them.So if they only see parents avoiding conflict, they might grow up thinking that healthy couples never argue. On the other hand, if they regularly see shouting, insults or humiliation, they can start treating that behaviour as normal too.Warikoo’s approach sits somewhere in between.His message is that conflict itself isn’t necessarily the problem. The way people treat each other during conflict is what matters.And that lesson can eventually show up in their own friendships, romantic relationships and even the way they deal with disagreements at work.
His other parenting rules are about independence
Warikoo’s relationship advice is part of a wider approach he says he follows with his children.He also wants them to become comfortable making decisions and solving problems without immediately relying on their parents.If they’re stuck, he doesn’t always jump in with an answer. If they’re bored, he doesn’t necessarily find something to entertain them.The idea is pretty simple: children eventually have to navigate the world on their own.Giving them room to figure things out – even when that means getting something wrong – is part of preparing them for that.
And then there’s money
Warikoo also has a specific way of talking to his children about money.He says he doesn’t tell them, “We can’t afford it.”Instead, the family uses a different message: “We don’t need this.”The distinction is about teaching children the difference between being unable to buy something and choosing not to buy it.He also wants them to understand that they don’t need something just because their friends have it.That makes the money lesson less about wealth and more about decision-making, comparison and knowing what actually matters.
The bigger lesson about relationships
Of the three rules, though, his approach to disagreements may be the one children carry with them for the longest.A healthy relationship doesn’t mean two people always agree.Sometimes they won’t.But being upset doesn’t give anyone permission to be cruel.For Warikoo, that’s the example he wants his children to see at home: you can disagree with someone and still respect them.And perhaps that’s a more realistic lesson about relationships than teaching children that love means never fighting at all.
