Naseeruddin Shah and Ratna Pathak Shah are widely admired as one of Hindi cinema’s most enduring couples, known for their honesty, mutual respect and lasting partnership. However, long before the two married in 1982, Naseeruddin experienced a turbulent first marriage with Purveen Murad, also known as Manara Sikri, the sister of late actor Surekha Sikri. The couple had a daughter, Heeba, and in his autobiography And Then One Day, the veteran actor candidly reflects on that chapter of his life, admitting he was an emotionally immature husband and a distant father in his early twenties.The story began in the late 1960s when a 19-year-old Naseeruddin Shah was studying at Aligarh Muslim University and had developed a deep passion for theatre. While his family disapproved of his acting ambitions, Purveen, then a 34-year-old medical intern at the university, became his strongest supporter. Encouraged by the one person who believed in his dreams, Naseer fell in love despite their 15-year age gap, and the two eventually tied the knot.The marriage, however, faced resistance from both families. Naseer’s relatives objected because Purveen was a divorcee and mother of two, while her family worried that the much younger actor might eventually walk away from the relationship. In an effort to reassure them, Naseer even agreed to pay alimony if the marriage ended in divorce, unaware that their relationship would soon begin to deteriorate.A year after their wedding, the couple welcomed their daughter, Heeba. Instead of strengthening their bond, parenthood exposed the cracks in their marriage. Looking back in his memoir, Naseer takes complete responsibility for his shortcomings. He writes, “Through the period of her pregnancy, Purveen had turned really moody, and my utter incomprehension of the miracle occurring within her and total oblivion to what was expected of me didn’t help. Many serious arguments, which I always got the worst of, were the result.”Reflecting on his younger self, the actor admits he lacked the emotional maturity to support his wife during pregnancy.“I was incapable of contributing in any way at all to making her feel good about herself. I found the bar on sex not easy to handle either. My attentions had already begun to wander and were beginning to zero in on R, a rather good-looking second-year student who, as a whore in the NSD production of The Threepenny Opera, had earlier caught my fancy.”By the time Purveen entered the final months of her pregnancy, Naseer had enrolled at the National School of Drama, where his ambitions increasingly consumed his attention.“As for me, without a clue of the responsibilities it entailed, the trouble that’s part of the whole deal, and then the indescribable joy it brings, I had no time to spare for the life I was helping bring into the world; only my own gratification took priority, nothing else mattered,” he writes.The actor also acknowledged how detached he remained from everything his wife was experiencing at the time.“I did occasionally steal some roses from the university garden and bring them to Purveen in my cycle basket. That pleased her, but apart from that I played the part of the obnoxious adolescent to perfection. The role of father was way beyond my ken.”Although his mother-in-law reprimanded him and he gradually began helping with household chores, including washing dishes, he admits his emotional distance only deepened.“I slowly began to resent this child who was coming between me and the only woman who had ever given me any attention; and when the baby finally arrived, the neglect I displayed still shames me deeply all these decades later.”Just four days after Heeba was born, Naseer returned to NSD to avoid losing a portion of his scholarship due to missed classes. While the birth of his daughter briefly improved his relationship with his father, it did little to repair his marriage.“Heeba’s arrival actually caused Baba and me to be civil to each other for a while, but now the gulf with Purveen had widened. Her whole life now revolved around Heeba and she and I had precious little to say to each other anymore. The stimulation of being on the cusp of a life of professional acting ensured that I didn’t miss her at all.”Looking back, the actor says his behaviour can be explained by his immaturity, though never justified.“My indifference to Heeba can only be explained, though not condoned, by the fact that I myself was then an insecure, ill-adjusted twenty-one-year-old with absolutely no conception of what it took to rear a newborn, and I completely shirked my share of the duties while idiotically attempting at the same time to assert my rights as a husband.”As communication with Purveen broke down, the marriage steadily collapsed.“The only way of dealing with a wife, in the world according to the Shahs, was with firmness and authority. Not unaware that I was thoroughly incapable of either, I retreated into a resentful shell. It hurt to know I was no longer the most important thing in Purveen’s life.”He also confesses that he struggled to form any emotional bond with his daughter for years.“I have no idea in what sort of light I will appear if I say that for an unconscionably long time I felt nothing whatsoever for the child Heeba, but it is necessary that I confess it. She didn’t figure at all; it was almost as if she didn’t even exist.”During this period, Naseer had already met Ratna Pathak through theatre. The two eventually fell in love but had to wait until 1982 to marry because his divorce from Purveen was still pending. According to the actor, settling the agreed terms of separation took several years. In his memoir, he refers to Ratna as the “only love” of his life.Their relationship, too, faced opposition in its early days. Speaking to The Lallantop, Ratna recalled that both families were sceptical, largely because acting was viewed as an unstable profession.“So, this was the problem, and on top of it, he was an actor. Back then, Naseer would often hear, ‘How can a guy with a face like that become an actor?’ Even if you are a wonderful actor, survival in this profession is never guaranteed. It’s a tough life.”
