Confidence is something many parents want for their children. They want their child to raise their hand in class, speak to new people without shrinking back, try something difficult without immediately saying “I can’t,” and, perhaps most importantly, trust themselves.But confidence is rarely built through repeated reminders to “be confident.” It develops much more quietly- through everyday experiences in which children begin to understand that their voice matters, that they can handle unfamiliar situations and that they are capable of learning something difficult.
28 Jul 2026 | 16:25
Do you think social media has changed the parent-teen relationship?
Three simple practices can help parents create more of those experiences at home.
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1. Give your child some time when they don’t have to perform
In a busy family routine, conversations with children can easily become instruction sessions. “Did you finish your homework?” “Why didn’t you put your shoes away?” “Did you eat your lunch?” Even when parents are genuinely trying to stay involved, children can end up feeling that most conversations are about what they need to do better.One useful shift is to give children a little uninterrupted time every day when they don’t have to be taught, corrected or evaluated. Just listen. It could be while having a snack together, walking home from school or sitting beside them before bedtime. Let them talk about something that may seem completely unimportant to an adult- a game they played, something funny a friend said or a story they made up.The point isn’t to extract information from them. It is to let them experience what it feels like to have someone’s full attention. When children repeatedly experience being heard, they can begin to develop an important belief: “What I say matters.” And that belief becomes part of confidence.
2. Give them small opportunities to interact with other people
Confidence does not necessarily appear when a child is suddenly expected to speak in front of an entire room. It can begin with much smaller moments. Saying thank you to a cashier. Speaking to a neighbour. Ordering their own food at a restaurant.These interactions may look insignificant to adults, but for a shy or hesitant child, they are small opportunities to practise communicating outside the safety of home. The important part is not to turn every interaction into a test.A child who hides behind their parents when someone says hello does not necessarily need to be pushed forward with, “Come on, say hello properly.” Instead, parents can model the behaviour themselves. Smile. Greet the person. Say thank you. Make eye contact. Speak politely. The child can watch. Over time, the unfamiliar becomes familiar. And when the child eventually feels ready to participate, it becomes their own step towards confidence rather than something they were forced to do.
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3. Help them get really good at something they love
There is something powerful about watching yourself improve. It doesn’t matter whether the skill is swimming, cycling, dancing, drawing, music, football or something else entirely. A child doesn’t have to become exceptional at it. What matters is the experience of starting as a beginner, struggling with something, practising and eventually getting better.The first time they ride a bicycle without help, complete a difficult drawing, swim another length of the pool or finally manage a dance step they’ve been practising, they gain something more valuable than a compliment.They gain evidence. “I couldn’t do this before. I practised. Now I can.” That experience can gradually change the way children approach other challenges too. Instead of thinking, “I’m not good at this,” they may begin to think, “I don’t know how to do this yet.” That is a very different mindset.
Confidence is more than saying “Good job”
Praise has its place in parenting, but constantly telling a child that they are amazing may not be enough to build deep confidence. Real confidence comes from experiences.A child who is allowed to make a decision, speak for themselves, attempt something difficult, make mistakes and try again is collecting little pieces of evidence about their own ability.They begin to know, rather than simply hear, that they are capable. That is why parents don’t necessarily need to create dramatic confidence-building exercises. Sometimes it is a conversation where you listen without interrupting, where you allow your child to say hello to someone when they feel ready, and sometimes it is standing nearby while they struggle to learn something new- without rushing in to do it for them. These moments may look ordinary. But over months and years, they can become the experiences from which a child’s confidence is built. Because ultimately, confident children aren’t children who never feel nervous, shy or uncertain.
