It’s strategic communication as you get a window to respond or write which makes you control the outcome most times.
Retroactive writing is when you show more power , assert yourself & be authoritative on messaging as you cannot handle difficult situations or strong emotions live so even when you can have the conversation you avoid it.
This pattern is seen in high performers & perfectionists much more as they are used to feeling & being seen as competent individuals so vulnerability, incompetence scares them.
They want to create a face which fake that shows the world that they are calm , composed & maybe unavailable/ private but the truth is they are mentally exploding managing themselves socially.
Everytime you route a conversation through message you send the nervous system a confirmation that this is the only way to save yourself.
This affects your relationships negatively.
A lot of people have expressed to me that during their initial interactions they felt a lot of similarities & attraction with the partner on text but the same chemistry couldn’t be replicated in the room in front of each other.
In friendships people expressed that the awkwardness came when they discussed things face to face whereas the comfort on messaging was not real which affected the bond.
Professionally some people write beautifully on emails or messages but when they have to present themselves in the conference room they blank out with anxiety.
